Camp Eventually
by Oi-You
Summary: Roxas and Axel don't get along, so much so they've been sent to a camp for eight weeks to work it out, through activites and such. But why did the redhead turn out to not be so annoying and more so likeable. Roxas P.O.V written as 'I'
1. Bully For Me

**AuthorsNote:**

**Hello all, this is my latest addition to my fanfiction works. Yes it wasn't on my list of fics to finish but I got this idea one day and couldn't help it. I blame Brooke Fraser's songs for this fic and especially 'Scarlet' which happens to be an obssession of mine now and also coincidentally fits this story. **

**It is also going to be a multi chapter story. I have uploaded both one and two because chapter one doesn't have much action and two makes up for it. This is rated M because of later scenes (wink wink), swearing and gay/homosexual relationships. I hope you like it and tell me wether or not you would like the other finished chapters. I can't say how long it will be but I can say this time I will try, TRY to not and rush the ending. **

**Also it's in first person, which is another new thing for me and which I had to go back numerous times and check the tense. I made mistakes :) But hopefully they're all gone now and I hope you all enjoy. **

**Reviews are appreciated. **

**DISCLAIMING-See I did it. **

* * *

Through primary school all I remembered was giving him constant brush offs and hideous taunts that I now regret. He'd come to me smiling like he always did and shyly ask me to play with him or if I could sit with him just this once. My mother thought Axel looked up to me, saw me as an idol but who was I to care? It made me uncomfortable and so I spurned it, hated it and pushed it far, far away.

During Primary School to me he was the weirdest kid around and everyone seemed to think the same. It was strange, the way that it only took one person's opinion to be branded with a bad reputation for the whole of your schooling career. Yet it took only one person to see different and say different for the pain caused by so many to go away.

I regret that I didn't do differently, that I didn't speak up even when my stomach knotted as he was kicked to the ground, books going everywhere, scraped knees leading to tears. But who was I kidding, I fitted in, for then I knew who I was and what circles I belonged to, I wasn't estranged or isolated. No I belonged so that was okay, that was all I needed, and it was all that it took to look away. But I never did join in when the fights started.

Eventually as time grew on, I became more aware and alert, wise of the ways of the world you could say and I stopped taunting him. Eventually he stopped crying when they pushed him to the ground and took it in his stride. I saw him most times avoiding teachers giving excuses to why he was bruised and battered. Eventually the other kids stopped beating him and in our last year at Primary School he wasn't physically hurt once. Eventually I didn't speak a bad word about him and then eventually I just stopped talking altogether.

The time for high school came. Along with the rush of testosterone and puberty, my world and the person who I thought I was began to change. Axel came to the same high school as me and along with maths assignments, English essays and biology reports came a new wave of physical abuse. The kids were mean and didn't hold back from fear of teachers. Too many times had I seen Axel bruised and beaten, missing days of school for God knows what number of injuries. Too many times had I stood back and watched, no longer caring about my friends or what they thought, more concerned now about the threat of power within the school yard.

I held my breath during the last moments when the fight was to conclude. I would ask myself 'would he get out of this?' and 'why doesn't someone do something'. Of course I never answered the last call but one day someone did and I wasn't sure if it was a good thing.

Axel began to fight back, give taunts and become dark and twisted. I heard rumours pass from mouths of teenage girls that he was flying off the handles doing all kinds of unnatural things. Some of them thought he was a creep but I didn't spare a second thought not really.

While I was trapped in finding myself Axel was trapped in himself. I never realised how much of a bad thing that could be. Then his father died. He was called out of P.E where no one was game enough to partner with him aside from the other outsiders or abnormal ones. I remember most of their names, Demyx, Marluxia, all outcasts just because of who they chose to be. They seemed comfortable with themselves, which is a lot more than I could say tucked comfortably in my uniformed circle once more. Axel came to school less and less that year, but eventually he would come back and eventually he sorted himself out.

Senior year came and a series of unfortunate events led to my own downfall and really my beginning.

Axel was there at the wrong time and wrong moment when he became involved in a brawl with one of my friends. Hayner had been drunk and hadn't known left from right. He'd said Axel had insulted his girlfriend and of course everyone believed Hayner, even though I watched the whole fight and not one word was uttered by Axel.

The problem was Axel knew it.

I didn't think he'd held a grudge against me all of the time we seemed to be drawn together. I didn't know how much he'd thought of me and about how he focused his anger about the unfairness of his life on me. I just didn't know; the planning, the cunning, the spite and the revenge. I didn't know about any of it and eventually my little pedistool came tumbling down, dragging me along for the ride.

The bullying started then; Axels' friends would say something hurtful when I was around that I thought no one knew but me. All of my insecurities were unearthed and only I was aware; how could they know? The trick was, they didn't but some how he did. So the paranoia kicked in and I drew away from my friends.

I felt lost and sick with nerves most of the time when I thought about the quick glances people sent my way. Then I heard them, the lies, the horrible rumours and during that week I went home and cried.

My older brother Sora came to my rescue most of the time when I called up from the floor of the boy's bathroom pleading to come home. He asked me questions most of which I just shrugged off and Sora became steadily annoyed at my distance. Then one night he lost it and then my will to hide crumbled. So I told him, all of it, all of my worries and my fears and then slowly Sora helped me up off my floor, into my bed and woke me up the next day.

Sora in a way was like a floating door for me like I was surrounded by a body of water. No really at those times I did feel like if I let go I would sink to the bottom and not come back up. Sometimes I had dreams about this, sometimes there were sharks and sometimes there was rain, every time the ending was not a good one. The bad thing about floating doors is that they can only last for so long.

Sora got offered a job in another state and told me I could go along with him. But on the when he spoke to me, making mention of my bullying and my nightmares my mother overheard us. Needless to say she wasn't impressed. She phoned the guidance councillor numerous times and organised meetings and most times as I ran past the doors or just plainly avoided them I could see a familiar spike of hair. Axel was there too, but for some reason as I stood outside the large glass door the thought of those green eyes looking at me and talking about me, listening to me talking about him and hearing my thoughts made me squirm.

The eve before graduation I was pulled out of my last two classes and sent to the principal's office. In there the brown haired balding man sat, hands laced on his desk brown uncompromising eyes boring holes through me.

"Roxas sit down." I sat in the metal chair with prickly padding that made me shift myself at least twice before he continued. "It has come to my attention and the attention of the board that you have been missed numerous classes and those that could be explained away by councillor visits have been discounted by your attendance record there too." He paused and shook his head. "I'm sorry but there's no way around this. You cannot graduate; your attendance record devalues all of your grades, because of this you haven't achieved the sufficient score required to pass High School."

I didn't know how I managed to get out of the office without throwing something or at least screaming. But I did and as fate would have it I passed Axel along the way. He looked at me as he walked past, face blank and neutral and it was then I knew I was destined for the same fate as he was. He made me feel like him, I was trapped like him. Then with all of the strength possible in my body I turned around and stalked back towards him.

Axel stopped like I thought he would, he turned and then I felt a sharp twang of pain in my right hand where my fist had collided with the done in his cheek. Initially I panicked when I thought he'd recover enough to stop me or if I missed some how, but I didn't and now all I felt was grim anger.

"Are you happy now?" I screamed at him. "I can't pass high school because of you. You fucked up my life. So why aren't you smug and smiling at me you inconsiderate fuck. Huh? Smile you dickhead, I know you want to." With the droplets of spit wiped from my mouth I turned away.

Axel lay on the floor propped on his elbows until I heard Principal Lockhart come thundering down the hallway calling out my name. He sounded furious and shaky but I just kept walking. I walked all the way to the front door before a teacher stopped me. Coincidentally it was my P.E teacher; he put a hand on my shoulder and turned me around. From that moment onwards I set a glare on my face as I marched back to the office, back to where Axel was.

"Roxas I have no idea what would compel you to do something like this. I must say I'm disappointed in you. Axel has done nothing wrong in this case, I wouldn't have suspected you of attacking harmless passer-by's." I glared at him and clenched my jaw as his eyes roamed my folio in front of him.

"I'm sorry sir, but I must tell you that you're wrong and that your obliviousness is what pisses me off more than not graduating."

"Roxas" He warned me but I was on a roll as far as I was concerned.

"We have done nothing but fight for the last twelve months, the visits to the councillor above anything should have warned you of that. When I didn't show up to class and left school early didn't you think that there might be the slightest thing wrong?" I shook my head at him, "At the beginning of this year in the newsletter you said that you wanted to be more in touch with your students. I must say sir you're off to a fucking flying start." This had him shooting forward in his chair hands slapped against his desk. I watched the slumped figure of Axel from the corner of my eyes. I saw his green irises drift towards me and a smug sense of satisfaction settled in my head knowing the bright purple bruise forming on his face was of my own doing.

"I will not have that kind of language in my office!"

"But he's right sir." Axel sat up straight and the principal stuttered. I turned to look at him this time, gave him my attention in the form of narrowed eyes. "We have been fighting all of this time and you didn't notice. If this got out people might start to wonder what other kinds of bullshit you're filled with." That had the principal standing and both Axel and I slowly turned our heads towards him.

His face was purple and his eyes tight with rage as he bellowed. "I will not tolerate this behaviour. I will not!" He grabbed the phone as we sat on in silence giving small glances of dislike to one another.

I hadn't ever really been yelled at by someone like the way the principal had but my mother came close when she arrived on scene. I sat there trying to not meet her eye as she went on and on waving her hands around. I think the principal himself was quieted by her volume and the way her words bounced off the walls.

Then Axel's mother turned up and her attention was divided between yelling at my mother and at him. Eventually the principal calmed them both down and they sat on two previously procured chairs. Axel and I were told to stand outside while a verdict was reached.

I walked out first as quickly as I could so that I was sure of not touching him. We both received glances from old Mrs Meady that told us no funny business was to be tried on her watch.

We received the verdict after twenty minutes of some heated and not so heated discussion coming from the room. I could tell Mrs Meady wasn't comfortable the level which the voices reached in the room at times. Axel glanced at me a few more times and of the times that I caught I stared at him unblinking and then eventually turned away again in what I hope he understood as disgust.

"We have reached a decision. All of us in here decide that it would be for the best that you two spend time together in a camp in the next state over. It was opened specifically for cases just like the one between the two of you. My daughter opened it some years ago and has helped many teens with bullying and the likes. Also, as this is during your summer vacation and on into the next year reaching a total of eight weeks it will be counted towards you attendance at school as psychological treatment. You both, if you attend all of the days at this camp, will be allowed to graduate school."

My hands could have made the skin under my legs bleed at any slight movement from the grip I had on them.

By the time my mother and I left it was darkening and probably for the best that Axel and I walked in opposite directions.

The discussion at the dinner table generally followed the idea that I was going to be awake at five a.m. the next day packed and ready to leave or else there would be screaming and I generally dislike screaming as my choice of alarm. The car was cold and the leather seats felt hard and unwanted against my back. The drive wasn't any better itself. Mother didn't want to talk and I didn't want her to talk so we sat in silence. Pulling into the driveway and long stretch of garden I noticed that in the sunny glow of seven thirty Axel was getting out of his car.

My mother didn't waste any goodbyes or hang around for much longer. Axel and I stood around with out bags at our feet for what felt like quite some time before a bouncy brunette came out the door.

She didn't need an introduction, her long brown hair and smiling face said it all. It echoed her pamphlet and the general 'feel' the camp wanted to generate; happiness and carefree joy. Tifa. I knew I was going to hate her on more than one occasion already.

Axel and I did share end up sharing a house located at one end of the camp. There were the watchers quarters in the middle of the house in what seemed like a square tank. I took to calling the two men that stayed there the fishbowl guys and the fishbowl guys always creeped me out. The thought of possibly being watched, my every move scrutinised did not bode well with me or my sleep patterns.

My room was blue, a very soft blue and filled with other pastels splattered on a couch or table top. I wanted to scream that there must be a mistake and that I could not stay in a room that belonged to a beach scene circa 1986. But no one would care and if anything else, the thought that Axel would probably have an identical room soothed me.

At nine Tifa came to my room and summoned me down for a little chat. Her office looked modern and much more relaxed than my own room. The chair that she had me sit on was a worn red leather couch. At once I sunk into it and I thought about the countless numbers of other bodies that had been on here. I wanted to be grossed out and move away but Tifa was watching me and I wasn't going to give her anything to compact mentalise.

"Roxas you've been told why you're here. I know why they sent you here but why are you actually here?"

"Because I punched Axel in the face and swore at your father." Sighing I crossed my ankles over where they rested on the floor.

"But why are you here? Surely you don't think you need to be here?" I looked up at her.

"Why I'm here has got nothing to do with what I want. I'm here because they made me come here or else I couldn't graduate."

"Ah but you _want_ to graduate. I didn't ask if you wanted to be here, I asked if you needed to be here. So?" Tifa's brown eyes casually scanned some paper on her desk and wrote some things down. She was probably analysing me, writing notes on my behaviour.

I just shrugged "Dunno. What do you think, that's all that really matters anyway." Tifa mumbled to herself before putting her pen down and looking up at me.

"Adam's brother." She said with furrowed eyebrows.

"What?"

"Nine down, I need the name of Adam's brother."

"You're doing a crossword?" That had me sitting up straight.

"Well you're playing games so why shouldn't I?" She hummed at me and I looked around her room.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Ah here's the trick, I don't want you to say anything. I want you to want to say something or nothing whichever. I'll ask questions and we can spend days going nowhere doing nothing because you don't want to answer. At least I'll be good at crosswords by then." She smiled at me like I was missing out on a great joke. "You can answer or you can not answer either way you still have to come here. Might as well make the most of it huh?"

She clicked her pen and nodded to the door, "That's all for today."

I left the room not really sure where any of that was supposed to go. As far as I was concerned I was fine. Did I need to be here, hell no I didn't have the problem; Axel did. It was all of his fault his problems. Just then I saw him walk out of a room down the hall in the direction I was heading. He saw me and just watched me. I walked past him and then I heard his footsteps follow me down the hall.

They were right behind me, taping out of rhythm with my own footsteps.

Clenching my jaw I turned around and stepped aside waiting for him to walk past. He stopped and looked at me. "What do you want?"

"Shrink says I should try and analyse the way you react around me. I'll just tell him pissed and aggravated huh?" Axel walked past me with a strange look. "Not like I hadn't noticed before now." His deep empty voice carried down the hallway. He hid it underneath a bouncy, scornful tone but really there wasn't any infliction in his words.

I growled and kicked the nearest wall. How dare he think that he understood how I thought?

There was a click of a door and I saw Tifa leaning against it watching me. At once I stood up straight and walked, grumbling to myself, back to my room.

It was lunch before I was summoned from my room again. This time it was much worse. The table I sat at, correction, was forced to sit at was already occupied. Axel was chewing some sort of sandwich; I sat down with my food across from him on the narrow green table. His feet were stretched out onto my side of the table and every time that I moved them I collided with his legs.

My hands dug into the sides of my sandwich and Axel looked up at me.

"I wondered where the growling was coming from." His words were mocking me and so I nudged his legs hard.

"Move your legs, they're on my side." Axel sighed and put his sandwich down.

"Why should I do anything for you huh?" He leant forward over the table and his narrowed eyes searched my face.

I barred my teeth at him, "Because you're on _my_ side."

"No." Just then I hated how he was taller than me. His upper body even though he was leaning over the table was still higher then mine. It made me feel small and almost weak. I wouldn't let him make me feel weak.

The sandwich in my hand suddenly felt like a dead weight and with a look around the room at the other scattered kids and three or four watchers I smiled. Axel recovered more quickly then I thought he would have.

He wiped the chicken and avocado sandwich from his face and I managed to grab an apple from a tray as I ran behind the next table. Axle stood and followed after me dodging the apple I threw his way. The watchers were calling out orders but I wasn't paying attention. Axel had an orange and I ducked under the table. There was a large thud and spray of citrus juice down the side of the green wood. I turned and crawled towards the other side of the table but Axel had a hold of my leg.

I had a moment to realise the others in the room were fighting too before I grabbed a tray that to the left of the table leg. Rolling onto my back I was dragged out into clear view and Axel hovered over me with a snarl frozen on his face. Swinging as hard as I could with the tray I smacked him across the face. He flopped onto his back clutching his mouth.

I turned using the table to pull myself up and bolted for the door. Again I misjudged how quickly Axel would recover when I felt a heavy body slam into me. I hit the cement floor all of the wind knocked out of me and slightly dazed. Axel rolled me over and sat on me, hands fisted in the front of my shirt. He leant down his glare pressing into my eyes and then I heard a whistle.

"That's enough for today!" Tifa stood on a table near us glaring. "Everyone back to your rooms."

Axel and I stayed frozen, his lower body pressed hard against me holding me to the ground. My lower back started to ache because of his weight and the pain brought clarity to my thoughts. I grabbed his hands and rolled him off me with a sudden twist of my hips.

Axel hadn't expected this and thudded to the floor his legs nearly kicking my groin as he rolled off.

"You two, come with me." Tifa walked past as I was standing up and grabbed me by the ear. She did the same with Axel who was nearly taller than her. We were dragged down the halls and mercilessly around corners. We made it back to her room without anyone getting further hurt, but just barely.

I sat on one end of the red couch and Axel sat down the other. His hair was brighter than the red of the chair and I wondered if I shaved his head could I make a pillow to match the couch. Tifa cleared her throat.

"Well, anyone care to elaborate about what happened back there?" Axel and I just looked at each other. "Oh no!" She laughed evilly, "One of you boys is going to answer or you both will be kicked out of here faster than you can say Geronimo."

"He started it." I grumbled, yes it was childish but it really was true.

Axel scoffed, "Getting a chicken sandwich smashed against my face really isn't the way I start fights."

"Oh yeah I know about the way you start fights."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Axel swivelled so he was facing me.

"Like you don't know? The rumours, you're friends always accidentally saying something about me when they knew I could hear them. It's all bullshit you know." I waved my hands about hoping to accentuate my words.

"I never told them to do that." He stopped me dead in my tracks.

"What?" My scepticism must have leaked through because Axel rolled his eyes and shook his head.

"I never told my friends to do anything to you. Whatever they did was not because of anything I said. I don't use others to do my dirty work."

"So…" I frowned at him "Were any of the rumours about me started by you?"

Axel shook his head, "Only heard 'em, spreading rumours really isn't my _thing_. Too low class. Not that you would have noticed anyway."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Never mind."

"No, I want to know!"

"I said never fucking mind." Tifa said his name once to calm him down.

"Boys, I think you two need to have a serious talk. But I can't be sure that you won't kill each other if left alone. So until then put everything you've done, said or heard about each other to the side for the next two weeks. Starting tomorrow on Monday you two will undergo a number of exercises that will enable you two to get to know one another."

"Yippy." My voice dripped with sarcasm and Axel looked at me once before sighing and turning his head.

"Roxas, stay behind. Axel you can leave." I watched the red head stretch out to his full height. The black jeans he was wearing tensed around his leg muscles. The hem of the red shirt billowed around his hips when he turned to leave. I saw the black high tops leave the room before I turned back to face Tifa.

"Now what was that about?"

"What? I told you he started it."

"Not that." She waved me off, "The look you just gave Axel."

"What look? There wasn't a look." I furrowed my eyebrows at her. Tifa only sighed.

"You know what your problem is Roxas? Denial."

What the hell? I'm not in denial; there is no way in hell that I am in denial about anything. So I just sat there and looked at her.

"Who is the bully in your situation Roxas?"

"Axel, you know that-"

"It's interesting," she cut me off in the middle of my sentence and I settled down with a sigh "to note that every time a physical fight has started, it was you who provided the catalyst. Roxas to me it seems that it is not Axel but you who is the bully."

"I don't bully him."

"Maybe to you it's not bullying. You're paranoia about the way rumours are spread, the instant dislike of Axel when he seems to have done nothing wrong. You were scared and so you decided that for some reason Axel was the cause. So you reacted and you still react violently. Axel has been hurt and mistreated by many people but it is you who has been the constant bully figure in his life. You Roxas are a bully."

I couldn't answer her. Every snappy and quick cutting remark I could have come up died in the top of my throat. I just froze not blinking but letting it sink in. I Roxas was not a bully. I never bullied anyone in my life. Especially not Axel, how could she make me doubt this.

"You're wrong." My voice broke and I clamped my mouth shut when she looked up from under her lids.

"Oh no I don't think so. What did you feel today when you noticed Axel was sitting with you? What did you feel when he opened his mouth to speak and how did you react to those words. Were you tolerant, were you kind, did you ask him why he was saying that?"

Then the silence came and settled upon us and I could see her foot twitching back and forth in a rocking motion. There it went, back and forwards. Anger, instant anger was always my way to deal with Axel. By why did I feel like I needed to _deal _with him? Because he was different and most didn't like him? Why did I need to take it into my own hands to deal with him? No one else really seemed to need to, but maybe that was just because I was there already.

But in all honesty, I really didn't know any of the answers to my questions and it had me stunned. I felt shallow and guilty, doubting each of my actions being dubbed as the right ones. What? Why? How come? Axel never did say anything to me but he was there, always there in my life. This sounded like an obsession, partnered with my paranoia, I was a perfect bully.

"N-no." I whispered. Tifa looked at me and I could feel the familiar weight under my eyes and the rush of heat to my lids.

"No what Roxas?" He voice dipped down to my level.

"Oh shit." I couldn't hold my head up, it was pitiful but I couldn't. So with my hands pressed against my cheeks and fingers holding the tears in my eyes I sat in Tifa's office in her red couch and tried to remember to breathe.

I felt a hand come and rest on my shoulder when I looked up Tifa was staring at the photos on her walls. "You know they always say the first step is the hardest. But I wonder if this will be the hardest thing you will have to do. After all, we shouldn't always believe everything _they _say should we?" She looked down at me and I dragged my hands away from my head. "No anger Roxas, it isn't needed." I swallowed and stood as she stood.

Taking my cue to leave I walked back to the house that Axel and I shared. The bed I had never seemed more inviting so I collapsed onto it arms stretching out for a pillow. The softness and familiar smell of the material at once made me curl myself further around it. I closed my eyes then and held on tight to the pillow.

I couldn't explain away my actions or why I hated him instantly. Hell I didn't even know the guy. I was a paranoid, angry teenager. Let's hope the next day sucked less than today. Or maybe it wouldn't and Tifa would want be to tell Axel all about my new revelations. Huh.

Bully for me.


	2. My Tent is Your Tent

**AuthorsNote: **

**Uh wow, my second update in one night. Lots of dialogue and lots of Axel and Roxas interaction. Tell me if you like the ending of this chapter as much as I did. :)**

**Reviews are appreciated and non reviews are scorned (not much but still). Damn I wish they had a button for an open mouthed smile.**

I didn't end up going down to dinner last night and I think the cafeteria staff was pleased with that. My morning, before nine, was spent walking around the campus. I found out that this place looked less like an institution and more like a school camp. There was a large lake that circled the left and back of the grounds, running off through the bush that surrounded it. There were large green fields for soccer and running around.

Some of the trees just dared you to climb them and I found more and more rocks that looked like perfect look outs.

I was trying today. I really was. Today I was going to forget all about Axel and all about what I'd …done to him. It was still hard to come to terms with the fact that I was _the _bully, the reason Axel's voice was empty. Hoped was not the right word but something close to that, I just wanted to sit down somewhere preferably away from sharp objects and sort things out. I wasn't too keen on the idea of being isolated with Axel but if that's what it took.

Took for what? My annoying conscience there it was again like a little devil on my shoulder. Took to fix the things I damaged, so I could feel better perhaps? Took to clear my name? What did I actually take that I needed to replace. Oh God this is going to be a long eight weeks.

Nine o'clock came around and I was actually on time.

The strange thing was, there was a note on the door saying Tifa would be out and that I was to meet her in the shed near the back of the campus. So I walked, getting lost slightly but managing to find a path again.

Tifa was standing there smiling and I began to panic. She wore hiking pants and Gaiters. There were two heavy looking packs on the ground at her feet and worst of all Axel stood to one side looking totally unpleased. I tried to back away but I hit a chest. Looking up I found myself staring into the eyes of Rufus, one of the watchers for our house and the one I most worried about.

I think he was an ex-mercenary or at least an ex-Smackdown competitor. So naturally I straightened up and walked back to Tifa biting the inside of my bottom lip.

"Roxas so glad you found us!" I smiled grimly at her and stood as the last point of the triangle we were in.

"Now boys I think yesterday was very tense for all parties concerned. But we aren't thinking about the past now are we?" She clapped her hands and a larger smiled broke her face in two, "I remember one of the tricks my camp director used when I was at school to get us to interact with each other was a long bush hike. So that's what you two will be doing."

"Hiking?" Axel did not look too enthusiastic.

"Yes hiking Axel. Now boys you two shall be blindfolded and taken to somewhere in the woods with a map and enough food to last a week. Hopefully you will get back here by then. Oh and if one of you doesn't come back or you don't come back together, the one here first will be punished." She looked at me then and I crossed my arms over my chest and looked away.

In the next moment I was blindfolded and manhandled into a car. Axel and I were sitting close in what I assumed to be a four wheel drive of some sort from the engine noise. So it had started.

I could feel the cloth of Axel's shirt and the hair on his arms from where I sat. He was warm, amazingly so. Hitting bumps was not enjoyable, it caused Axel and me to crash into each other and the swaying of the car made it hard to stay still and not grab onto something.

One time I had to refrain myself from grabbing Axel's arm and steadying myself. The seat belts were of no real help and after what seemed like an hour of continuous bumping and jagged shifts in the car we slowed down. I was yanked out of the car and dumped on the ground with Axel at my back. The bags hit the ground near us and all I could smell was the dirt that surrounded us. Nature oh yuck.

The car reversed quickly then and I pulled at my blindfold, finding it to be in a tight double knot. It took me at least another five minutes to get it loose enough to slide it off my head and by that time the car was gone. So much for following their track. Axel sat on the floor next to me his black blindfold still crumpled in his hand.

He looked at me and sighed, standing he grabbed his backpack and began to walk.

"Where are you going?" It took me a moment to realise how angry it sounded and so I cleared my throat snatched up my pack and chased after him. "Axel, where are you going?"

He froze and turned slowly back to me. We looked at each other for some moments before I had to swallow and licked my lips.

"I'm following the car." He finished muttering turned and began to walk away again.

"But we have to stick together. You don't wanna get…Axel?" He kept walking. "Axel wait!" I ran to catch up with him again almost dragging my pack along the ground.

"What d'you care anyway? I get punished or whatever who cares right I mean it's me. Stupid ol' Axel, the freak Axel, the creepy red nut Axel."

"Axel would you just stop!" I dumped my bag and ran to tackle him like he did to me the other day. I heard him 'oof' when I connected with him and he stumbled but didn't fall over. Watching him turn his head to look back at me I swallowed. I noticed that I had my arms wrapped around his waist in a crushing hug so I pulled back.

Axel watched me this time and not with his usual cool gaze. He looked confused but his eyes were also slightly angry. Oh great. Axel turned to face me properly and I rubbed the back of my neck.

"Look I want…uh no…it's not…I don't want you to get punished okay?"

He narrowed his eyes "Very funny, ha ha ha"

"No I don't. I didn't realise how much of a shit I was to you." I clenched my hands "it didn't even occur to me that I could have possibly…" I couldn't find the right words.

"Made my life hell?" He offered helpfully. "Gee Roxas that makes me feel so much better. Hey listen sorry about fucking your school life up but you know I didn't even realise I was doing it? Oops my bad." He dropped his bag to the ground and I felt that familiar rush of anger rise.

"No it's not like that." I muttered through clenched teeth.

"Did I run you over with my car, oh sorry Axel I didn't realise. I shot you in the leg oh SORRY Axel I didn't realise. Oh I stabbed you in the back with a knife and twisted and dug it deeper? So fucking sorry Axel but you know what? I didn't realise!" I looked to the ground and heard him pant as he finished.

"Don't leave me here."

"What?" He yelled. I licked my bottom lip gingerly.

"I said, please don't leave me in here alone."

"Why not? We're back to this question again huh? Why should I help you?"

I cleared my throat and looked at him a sudden burst of boldness blocking out my senses. "Because I need…I need you to. I need your help and I want _to _help."

"Help with what?" Axel was flustered and angry and confused. "I don't need your help. Hell I don't want your help."

"You do, you must. I want to help fix things Axel." My voice was strong and unwavering.

I watched as he grabbed his back pack kicked a nearby branch and walked of again. I ran back to get mine and followed him anyway. He didn't hold back tree branches and I really didn't expect him to but the slaps in the face didn't hurt any less. We walked some way before I began to think we were fully and truly lost. I saw the sky change from blue to a steady orange glow. My stomach growled and I tried to silence it because I knew if I stopped Axel would get far too ahead of me.

I think he must have heard me groan quietly as my stomach kept complaining. Eventually we stopped and he sat down on a tree branch. I sat on a rock to the opposite side of him just ahead in case he got up quickly to walk away. Axel opened his pack but I wasn't game enough, just in case he got away again. I looked around quickly and confirmed my suspicions that I had no idea where we were. The weird thing was I didn't panic, at least not as much I probably would have had I been alone.

He pulled out an apple and threw it at me, I caught it just but considering he didn't throw it hard.

"Thanks." Axel froze when he searched for another edible item and looked at me. Clearing his throat he looked down again. Then it occurred to me.

A horrible nagging epiphany occurred and obscured my thoughts again. Damn and double damn.

"Hey Axel?" He looked up at me and I sucked on my tongue to make sure it was still there. "I'm…I'm sorry. I haven't apologised to you for all of the bad stuff I did, just made excuses and well. I'm sorry, if it means anything." I took another bite out of my-Axel's, apple and chewed.

He nodded and slowly became unstuck. Sighing he flopped back, off the branch and onto the bed of leaves. I got up and trotted over to him as I leant over I saw the bags under his eyes. "Are you okay?"

He blinked and then the weight of those green orbs was upon me. "We'll need to find somewhere to camp for tonight. I doubt we'll make any more ground going in circles like this." He picked the bits of dirt of his hand and then ran it through his hair. So he was lost, just like I thought. Huh.

"Okay, where?" He groaned as he pulled himself to his feet and grabbed his bag.

"Uh somewhere flat." He walked off in one direction and just to see whether or not the situation had made any progress I stood still. Axels' apple with a big chunk out of it was still clutched between my hands and I stood there and waited as he walked on and on. I swallowed and bit my lip again.

He stopped.

I smothered the grin sneaking its way to the forefront of my face. "What are you doing?"

"Uh nothing." I grabbed my bag lamely and jogged over to him. He shook his head and walked on.

I guess this means he won't leave me here to fend for myself after all. Thank God.

It took us another half hour at least to find a flat place. We argued about which direction to go in but in the end I always shut up first knowing that my big mouth had done enough damage. We pulled out our tents and set them up.

Okay well I set mine up, Axel was having some trouble.

So carefully I walked over to him and stood next to his current position of crouching on the ground with a hammer. "Do you need a hand?" He looked up at me with beads of sweat on his forehead. Thinking about it for a moment he nodded slowly and I nodded in response and crouched down next to him. Fairly sure he wasn't going to attack me with the hammer.

"The tent collapses every freaking time I let go of this rope." He demonstrated as much.

"Did you make sure the middle support was connected properly?" He looked at me with a frown.

"Of course I did." He said and scoffed at me, but I saw his eyes casually drift to the pile of material on the ground. Then I grabbed his tent bag and pulled out a pile of short plastic rods connected altogether by a string. Holding it up for him to see I let it swing casually resting on my palm. "Oh _that_ middle support."

I snorted, "Have you ever set up a tent before in your life?"

"My tents usually consisted of a tarp and a tree branch." He dropped the hammer to the ground and stood up.

"I'll finish your tent and you do something about dinner."

"Who put you in charge?" I bit my lip, but I bit it too hard, the anger swelled and I turned to look at him.

"Fine." I threw the bundle onto the ground. "Be stubborn, do it yourself, I'll make my own dinner and you can sort yourself out." So I stomped over to my side and pulled out the insides of my pack.

There were vegetables, a pair of matches, iron rods, bread and fruit, a big bottle of water, a sleeping bag, a roll out foam mattress, oil and in a container that had ice at the bottom was some meat. Also there was milk power and various kinds of other tins, spreads and biscuits to put them on and a first aid kit complete with a compass.

Standing up with one last glimpse at Axel who had just hammered his thumb and was using every curse word in his vocabulary I started collecting rocks. I threw them in a pile in the middle of our two tents and then set about collecting small twigs and some large twigs. Then with one stroke of a match there was a fire.

Axel was still cursing although he wasn't holding his thumb. I grabbed some mince and prayed to God that I could find a pot. Thankfully there was, a couple of pots tucked on inside the other. I put the mince in bowl and hung it from one of the rods I had previously assembled over the fire. Throwing in some vegies and a small packet of noodles that I found tucked in one of the pots I was ready. I sat back and watched as Axel fumbled his way through putting up his tent.

When the sun had almost completely disappeared my meal was ready and Axel had finished his tent. It didn't really look like a tent at the moment, and Axel grumbled incoherent murmurings to himself before digging into his bag. Just for the pure spite of it I pulled the pot off the rod with the Gaiters I'd taken off and sniffed it.

Axel watched me his eyes completely focussed on the food. "Yum, this smells good. I'm so glad I can eat it straight away."

"Alright alright, you don't have to be a dick and tease me about it."

"About what?" Axel grumbled again to himself and sat down near me.

"About the food. I should have accepted your help with the tent." He leant forwards to get closer to the heat of the fire. I held the pot out to him and he looked at it.

"I'm trying to make an effort here. You and I share dinner tonight huh?" Axel grunted and shook his head before nodding.

"Why are you 'trying to make an effort'. You feel guilty? Hoping that this will make you feel better."

"Yes and no." I put the pot down and went in search of a fork.

"What do you mean by that?" I came back with my fork held high.

"Yes, I feel guilty and no I'm not hoping this will make me feel better. I want to make you feel better Axel. I've told you that a couple of times now. Is your skull too thick to register it?" Axel frowned but didn't say anything.

We ate in silence with him picking bits off my fork; his excuse was that he wouldn't be able to see in the dark anyway.

"What do you think of my cooking?" I offered trying to break the silence.

"I've had better." With a groan I pulled my fork away.

"Why do you have to be such a fuckwit all of the time? I was trying to make conversation and trying to get at least a not completely negative reaction from you. If my food sucks so bad you can make your own. It's not like we've got many options Mr Chef Extraordinaire." I pulled the pot away from him when he reached over but then he curled himself into a pathetic little ball and I offered him my fork again.

So the night drew on and Axel and I went into our separate tents after we had some fun putting out the fire. That was once I'd convinced Axel that we _had_ to put the fire out. The night was cold and I woke up a couple of times paranoid to go back to sleep. I heard creatures moving in the dark and although somewhere in my brain I knew it was just an animal of some kind and Tifa wouldn't put us out here if we were in any real danger, I was still wondering when the axe murder would rock up.

Soon then sun broke through the clouds and I came out of my tent shivering like I had gone into my tent. I packed up all of the food save for a can of baked beans. The ground where the fire had been was charcoaled and I really couldn't be bothered looking for more sticks and then cooking the beans so I ate them raw. What made matters worse was after I'd made the decision to not start the fire I began craving hot baked beans.

Axel rolled out of his tent at nine-ish according to the watch I had in my pocket now. He grunted at me and the space that used to hold my tent.

Axel wrapped his arms around himself and sat down on the log he sat on yesterday.

"So cold." I nodded. "Where's the fire?"

"I didn't want to get any more sticks so I decided against it and went for a walk. We are officially surrounded by miles of bush." Axel groaned and noticed my empty can of baked beans.

"Boy are you going to be fun today." I tried to smush the blush that was heating my cheeks.

"Shut up, they're full of protein. What are you going to have for breakfast? We should try and figure out a way out of here soon."

"I don't eat breakfast." He shivered. The short sleeved shirts we were wearing and knee length pants I had on weren't that warm. Axel's appeared to be because they were tight and black but they must be at least uncomfortable. His red short sleeved shirt looked similar to my white and black one but a thinner material. It made his bones stick out.

"Is that why you're a stick? You know part of the reason your cold now is because you're so skinny."

"That's not completely true. I'm naturally a really hot person; it's just because of the sudden temperature change that I'm feeling the cold. I'll come right in a minute."

"Huh."

"What?"

"That's the most normal conversation we've had …ever." Axel shook his head and stretched his arms out into the sun beams. He'd stopped shivering apparently.

We lapsed into silence and Axel grunted. "I need a shower."

"That's right." I said with a sudden surge of intelligence.

"What I'm not that bad. I just didn't take one yesterday or the day before and…where are you going?"

I wasn't really listening to him anyway. I tried to remember which way the lake surrounding the campus drifted.

"The lake runs through here right? If we find the water we find a way back to the campus."

"Do you really want to go back there?" I stopped searching the forest and looked back at him.

His question was an unexpected one but it was still way too soon and easily asked for my liking. "Well…I dunno. I guess."

"You guess?" Ignoring him I walked some way into the forest.

"I think it's this way, I swear I can hear some water running." Axel sighed and stood up.

"Let's go then."

So I helped him pack up his half tent and the rest of his stuff and we headed off in the direction of the water. We walked for whole day ignoring lunch for the time being.

"I swear I've seen that rock before."

"Shut up Axel." Okay so I was wrong. There was no water in this direction but all places must lead to water eventually right? So I casually turned our path so we walked towards the way the sun was setting.

Eventually night came again and Axel made his own meal this time. His tent didn't look as bad tonight but that was probably just because I'd expected it. I still woke up during the night and I swear I heard a twig snap outside my door. Again I stayed awake until the sun filtered through the sky but now I was more tired and much less patient.

"Do you know where you're going?"

"Yes Axel."

"Because I don't think you are."

'I know where we're going."

"But you don't have a map."

"It doesn't matter."

"But _I _think it does."

"Axel would you just shut up?"

"If you're getting us lost-"

I rounded on him "If you think I'm fucking up our direction then by all means lead the way! That way I know when you fuck it up I can whinge at you and you have to take it because you whinged at me!"

"Fine then I'll lead." I heard him muttering some curse words before my name and then some more curse words and the word forest.

So by nightfall I was tired, had mosquito bites on my legs and needed a shower desperately. I made a sandwich for dinner and climbed into my tent ready for sleep.

Snap.

There it was the snapping of a stick outside my tent door. I could hear it breathing, oh dear God I was going to die out here with a red head who as far as I knew still hated my guts. Oh God don't let me die.

Whatever it was fumbled with the zipper and it grunted. I knew that grunt.

"Axel?" I hissed. The next thing I knew the tent was collapsing in on me with a foreign body coming along for the ride.

"Get off!" I screamed. The material pressed against my face and I began to panic thinking that I might suffocate. I wriggled and thrashed and eventually Axel woke up and pulled me out of the tent.

"What the hell was that about?" He lowered his head in the moonlight and when he looked back up and my eyes had fully adjusted to the night I think he looked slightly embarrassed.

"I uh, sleepwalk sometimes."

"You sleepwalk?"

"Uh yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck and I punched him on the shoulder.

"Didn't think to tell me about that before I nearly gave myself a heart attack at nights huh?"

"I woke you?"

"I thought you were an axe murder!" Silence and then, "Are you sniggering?" it got louder and louder. "Axel stop laughing it's not funny." Then he laughed loudly and it was a good laugh that made me feel light so I smiled.

"What am I going to do about my tent?" He slowly stopped laughing and shook his head.

"Uh camp out under the stars?" I glared at him. "I know you're glaring at me but I must remind you it's night and I can't see you very well." I groaned.

"Look…you can stay in my tent. I mean I did break yours and well I s'pose it's only fair." Axel stood and offered me a hand. I took it and stood up following him back to his tent.

"Uh where are you going to sleep?"

"In my tent. I'm fair but not generous; I'm sleeping in my tent whether you're there or not."

For a moment all I could hear was my own breathing and the zipper being undone. I just reminded myself it would only be for a couple of hours and he wouldn't kill me in my sleep. Hopefully.

I ran back and grabbed my sleeping bag before tumbling into Axel's tent and he sniggered again. "Shut up," was all that he got out of me.

I slept well after that, Axel was actually really warm and it spread through out the tent. It was like indoor heating and strangely a hotter portion of it spread across my stomach. I just put it down to there being a collection of heavy sheets there so more heat was held.

When I woke I could tell it was later in the day because the sun was brighter. True enough I checked my watch and it was close to lunch time. I'd slept right through completely undisturbed and not one bit scared. Funny that.

I came out and found Axel putting out a fire with some water, which was strange because we were on rations since yesterday.

"Uh what are you doing?" He smirked at me.

"Morning sunshine, ready for some good news?" I looked at him curiously and he smirked wider.

"You didn't."

"I did. I'm magnificent, wonderful and any other good words you care to describe me as."

"I cannot believe you found the lake!" Then my yell turned into a scream of thank God and Axel whooped, which, in turn had me whooping and carrying on until we were jumping around shaking each other like hyperactive teenagers at a concert. Eventually we stopped, out of breath but smiling and then it became awkward. I cleared my throat and pulled my hands away from the warm flesh of Axel's shoulders and his hands left my upper-arms and he turned away.

"So uh which way is it."

"Uh this way."

My tent was thoroughly broken so I would be sharing with Axel from now on. Deep down I didn't think it was such a bad thing but I still hesitated before going to sleep at nights. Still the nights sleep was the best one I'd had since I started this journey. Plus my pack was lighter.

So we packed up and walked and we began to walk faster and faster until we were running towards the sight of water.

Axel had thrown his pack and shoes on the floor and was running towards the rock cliff. Following along with my pack still in my hands I was forced to stop at the water's edge. I had been smiling, that was until I looked up at Axel and how high up he was.

"What are you doing!"

"Come in the water Roxas!" He called from the top.

"You'll get yourself killed! And whaddya mean come in the water, I'm not swimming in that!" Then in the next moment he ran and then he was flying. I watched him go all the way down before a large splash.

He didn't surface. "Axel?" I dropped my pack and began taking off my shoes. "Axel? This isn't funny?" Still he didn't surface. "You fucking fuck!" I jumped into the water "Oh fuck that's cold!" but forced myself forwards. Then I was sprinting towards where he'd landed as fast as my arms could pull me.

I dove down and couldn't see anything. "Axel?" I began to panic, "Axel?"

"Anyone would think-"

"AHHHH FUCK!" I flung myself backwards in the water away from that deep whisper along the back of my neck.

"-that you'd miss me." Axel grinned and I could only guess how flustered I looked.

"You prick!" I splashed him. "Didn't you hear me calling?"

"The lake runs deep." He shrugged in the water, "Were you worried about me?" Axel looked serious for a moment before I noticed the glint of humour still left in his eyes.

"Well I wont any more." I swam back to the edge and waded out. "You asshole!"

"Come on it was funny." Then he sniggered again and swam around. "Ahh it's so nice in the water." He kicked some water towards me and I snarled.

Standing on the edge dripping wet with the sun and bugs annoying me were not on the list of my favourite things to do. But I still stood there and glared at Axel for what it was worth, there was nothing damn well else to do.

"Roxas!"

"What?" I barked.

"Just get in the water."

"No."

"You know you want to."

"That's funny because I really don't." Axel started to come towards me. "Don't even try it." He held his palms out in a peaceful gesture but it had me backing away. "Seriously don't. Gah Axel!" He grabbed me then and dragged me kicking and screaming into the water.

"What's your problem? Mine is if you don't wash you'll stink up the tent."

I bit my lip and tried to keep my feet as close to me as possible. "Mine is the things in the water."

"There's probably only fish."

"Yeah but how big are the fish." Axel bit his lip and I could see his throat moving up and down. "Stop laughing at me!"

"Aw but Roxas you're too funny." I glared at him and his laughing subsided. "Okay, okay." Then he splashed me. The bastard splashed me.

"What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That!"

"What?"

"The splash!"

"What splash?"

I growled and then he splashed me again. He smiled at me "Oh that splash."

Then the games began. It turned from splashing to dunking into running through the trees pushing each other around.

I was currently hiding behind a tree when I heard a branch snap and jumped around the opposite direct when,

"Argh!" I screamed at Axel and took off towards the lake when I heard his footsteps right behind me. I turned my head slightly and it was all it took for that branch to connect with my foot. Now where the hell had that come from?

I went tumbling to the ground with Axel falling right down with me. I threw some leaves at him and tried to scamper away. His hand shot out like it had that day in the cafeteria and I was dragged back kicking and screaming.

He leant over me then.

Suddenly the protests and insults died on my tongue as he hovered over me. "Gotcha." He said and then realising I wasn't smiling froze. I saw his eyes trace my face and I followed them. They went to my chin and my lips before darting back up to my eyes. Then he cleared his throat and sat back.

"Uh…Axel…ow fuck." I saw a large rip in my shorts and a long scrape up the inside of my leg.

"Don't move." Axel got up and went for the first aid kit.

When he came back he popped the lid and grabbed the antiseptic cream.

"Ow."

"If you'd just stop twitching."

"Ow!"

"It's your own fault."

"Ow. Ow!" Axel sighed then and pulled the ends of the largest plaster we had. He pressed it gently to the inside of my leg and ran his fingertips along the outside smoothing it down. I shuddered and Axel looked at me.

"You cold?"

"Uh yeah." He got up and helped me too my feet. The problem was it wasn't the cold that made me shiver but the memory of his soft touch on the sensitive nerves around my cut. His hands this time although less gentle still made me shiver.

The worst thing was I enjoyed it.

"Far too much."

"What?" Axel looked at me.

"Uh I'm far too much cold." He blinked at me and shrugged letting it drop.

"Can you walk?"

I nodded and then we walked over to where the big rocks sat and Axel peeled off his shirt.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting warm." The sun had nearly completely disappeared and I was getting hungry. Axel sighed and then walked over to me and lifted up the hem of my shirt.

"What are you doing?"

"Undressing you. You'll be colder with them on. We're both men, not like what we've each got is any different." I swallowed and then batted his hands away and pulled the shirt off myself.

Axel looked at me, no he stared at me.

"What?" I said bunching the shirt in my hands.

"Uh it's just…you're so white." He muttered and turned away.

"Yeah so?" Even to me it sounded like a lame excuse; Axel ignored it anyway and began undoing his pants. So I turned on my side and did the same, with only one glance from the corner of my eyes.

He left on his boxers which were red and maroon with pictures of the Tassie Devil on it. I tried hard not to laugh, especially as my boxers had Mr Men printed all over them. Mr Grumpy and Mr Sporty could not compete with the Tassie Devil after all.

I walked over to where Axel was and he began collecting sticks and stones. I followed suit and then I noticed the cloud cover.

"Do you think it'll rain?"

"Nah."

He said that ten minutes ago, that was ten minutes earlier just before we put the tent up and just before it began to rain. Oh no, not just rain, _storm_.

So there we were, huddled in Axel's tent in our wet boxer shorts, cold and without food, listening and dreading the rain coming in through a gap in the material.

I shivered and went to pull my sleeping bag around me when I realised that it wasn't there.

"Oh shit."

"What?" Axel asked huddled in a little ball, well as little as he could get.

"I haven't got my sleeping bag." Axel nodded.

"That's alright. You can share mine, I'll undo it and it'll spread." I nodded without letting go of my breath, there was always a catch.

"But…" Oh here it comes, "I had planned to sleep without boxers on to stay warm."

"So I would have to…" He nodded. I shook my head furiously. I was not sleeping in a tent sharing Axel's sleeping bag and naked.

"It's not a big deal when you think about it."

"Not a big deal? How is it not a big deal? Two men sharing a sleeping bag naked is a big deal if you ask me."

"Fine don't share my sleeping bag then."

"What?" I yelled. He just shrugged at me and I clenched my jaw.

"Fine."

Minutes later did I found myself lying naked with my back facing Axel's, tucked under his undone sleeping bag cursing the world for my cruel fate.

At least he was warm.

I felt him shift and his back pressed firm against mine and I shivered. I could feel the skin from his back down to his slightly colder bottom pressing against my own cold skin.

"Geez Roxas you're freezing." Of course then I started to shiver.

He hissed as my skin shuddered against his and then he turned around. "What are you doing?"

"Just shut up." I felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around my body and before I new it Axel had pressed himself flush up against me.

God was he warm.

I slowly stopped shivering enough to form a coherent thought. "Axel…uh." I couldn't bring myself to ask it. So some time drifted past in silence and I was worried that he'd fallen asleep with the rain pattering against the tent roof.

"Axel?"

"Yeah." His voice sent vibrations along my shoulders.

"Why do I get the feeling you're not feeling awkward about this at all. Are you…uh really that… comfortable hugging a naked guy?"

He stiffened and somewhere deep down I think I'd always known it might be true. "What are you asking me?"

"Are you…Axel are you… gay?"

He let out a long sigh and the warm air tickled my neck. "Yes."

"Oh." I tried to stop myself tensing but I knew it was futile. So okay maybe I wasn't in danger of being killed by Axel any more and yes I doubt he would rape me in a tent on a camp that our school sent us on to work out our psychological issues, but weirder things have happened right?

"Oh?"

"Yes oh." He slid his arm away from me and I grabbed it. Damn you reflexes damn you! "Just don't move okay?" Axel nodded and settled back in to position again.

That's how I lay for a good hour. Eventually he fell asleep with his breath tickling the back of my neck, eventually I relaxed and fell asleep too.

Why did I stop him?

Why? Probably because I was cold, probably because I was too tired to care about fighting and too worried that it might make us take a step backwards. Why? Because although this hiking trek has been one of the most aggravating, annoying, frustrating and deranged trips I've ever done, I did slightly enjoy it. Why?

Axel most likely.

So as I went to sleep wondering if this made us friends us just lesser enemies I knew at least one thing, I didn't hate him or want to hurt him any more. Why?

Because in some strange round about way, I'm beginning to like Axel.


	3. The Sound of Falling Down

**AuthorsNote:**

**Hello hello one and all. Yes I am updating, hurrah! Yes I lied, I am only posting one chapter but its a good un you'll see. I've been working on...three (I think) other one shots so they should possibly be up soon. I'm back at school and I really need to work hard this term so I wont be as regular as I or you would like with updating. Plus I don't want to force myself to write because I always hate when I write like that. **

**I re read Librarian vs Lollypop and realised that I shouldn't have forced myself to finish that so quickly, it ruined it a little and I'm sorry for that. Anyway, I hope you all like this, I've worked out most of the storyline from here on out and I shall have another 3 or something or maybe even more (depends on my laziness) of this story. Sooo, good yeah?**

**DISCLAIMING-- DISCLAIMING--**

**Reviews are nice, they make me feel all warm and fuzzy and then suddenly Roxas and Axel are kissing in the fourth chapter perhaps?? Or maybe not :)**

I woke up the next morning and the rain had stopped. Axel was gone. His boxers were also gone but mine were still there and still slightly damp.

I shrugged into them and winced at the coolness before I walked out into the sun. Axel was eating something, an apple I think and his hand dropped away from his mouth when he saw I was awake.

"Uh morning." He took another bite of his apple.

I noticed he was wearing his clothes and I went back to get mine. The rip in the knee was still there and the pants were slightly damp but thankfully the shirt wasn't.

Walking back to Axel, who had pulled out my shoes from a place under a rock, I took some steadying breaths.

"What were they doing there?"

"I grabbed them quickly on the way past you yesterday when you were undressing." He took another bite like it didn't make any difference. But it did really because why would someone, who professed to hate me, do something so considerate.

_Can't let him see this affected you. Act cool. _

"Thanks." So now fully clothed and feeling much, much, much better I grabbed an apple too.

"I walked some way in both directions up the side of the lake while you were asleep. I walked far enough in the second direction down hill that I saw the smoke coming from a cabin. We'll be home by tonight at the latest."

"Oh."

I should be excited and all I can say is Oh?

What the hell is wrong with me? Sure it's been slightly fun out here but I have craved a proper bed and shower for nights on end.

_But you won't be able to sleep next to Axel. _

So what should I care? Why should I even consider that as a problem?

_But you do. _

With a groan I began taking down our-the tent. Sure enough we were both up and walking within ten minutes at the least. I followed Axel's lead and accompanied by the sound of trickling water and nothing else we began to walk down hill. By lunch time I saw the smoke over head and stopped. Axel didn't seem to notice and kept walking.

I don't really want to go back so soon.

In answer to the question Axel asked when we first started, no I don't want to go back, at least not now.

I bit the inside of my lip in fast little intervals and looked over the tall red head in front of me. His hair sagged at places but in general the red spikes shot up every which way. The red shirt that was clean at the beginning of the journey was now, not so much intact. A corner was tucked into his waistband and I spent some time running my eyes along the denim there. Why was it so fascinating the way the jeans sat on his hips? Why couldn't I just go back to hating him? This new turn of events had me confused in more ways than one.

Sure I hated him in the beginning. But now, now I just feel plain, bland. There's something missing when we're just together like this. It's as if there's no willingness from either of us to be together and no trust that the other person won't ignore what we say. I don't want to offer a statement to begin a conversation; the anxiety in my chest seems to make me curl up inside myself.

He stepped into the light.

Auburn, copper, reds of all colours mixed through his hair and I hadn't noticed before. Then they were hidden away again and it made me almost want to retrace those last few minutes. But maybe that's what Axel was really like.

On the outside his hair was just that, red and spikey nothing too exciting. But in the light his hair shone like different parts of a personality. When I look at him with a quick glance he's just a presence, but when I take some time and really acknowledge him he's more than that. He's hard to describe or even understand he's just a person but yet more. He's Axel.

Beauty or something like it really is in the eyes of the beholder.

We would return to the centre and to our old selves and nothing would have been gained. But I know what I will lose and I really hate to lose anything.

I didn't want to return at least, not now.

So then I dropped my pack and did the only thing I could think of. Letting out a loud groan I flopped to the floor.

I heard him stop and turn around then run back to me.

"Roxas are you okay?" I opened my eyes and weakly smiled.

"Huh…" I took in a slow deep breath and gave a grim smile. Boy was I good at acting. "Anyone would think that you would have missed me." Axel closed his eyes and hung his head.

"What happened?"

"I… I uh…" Axel watched me waiting for an answer. "I just felt faint... I g-guess I got a chill or something from last night."

"I would carry you back but I can't take the packs too. It's too risky just in case something unexpected happens, like you fall in the river and drown or something."

"I wouldn't, you might!" Axel shook his head and smirked only for a moment.

"Let's have lunch here hm? Then we can walk some more after we've eaten."

Axel helped me sit up and I swayed almost a little too dramatically before he steadied me and slowly withdrew to get his pack. I watched him make a sandwich with peanut butter and then followed his hands as he held it out to me.

"Thanks" I took it and put it to my lips, well aware that Axel didn't watch me or didn't even care.

Not that I wanted him too or anything.

Eventually I let us leave and walk down the hill. It flattened out and then finally we caught site of the camp.

Strangely enough neither of us broke into a run. We just trudged along at our usual pace, Axel in front and me bringing up the rear. Tifa wasn't there when we arrived and the gate was locked. So in an effort to be clever we scaled it.

Okay Axel scaled it; I couldn't get up properly and ended up on my butt where we started.

"What's-a matter?" Axel leant against the fence. His Cheshire smile, cut in half by various zig-zagging lines but damn it was still very effective at being annoying.

So I growled and dug my shoes into the gaps, but the rubber around the toes was not giving an inch and I slipped.

"Garh!" I definitely broke something that time. "Ow."

"Come on hurry up!"

"Give me a break alright." I whined rubbing my back.

"Is the fence too big for lil' shorty?" He sniggered and I felt my eye twitch.

Oh I wasn't that short but I still wasn't as tall as most boys my age. You would have thought that growing up always being shorter would have made me less sensitive and more accepting. Hell no, I just got more aggressive. Every time I was called short a tall boy walked away with a black eye. Well he walked away with the threat of a black eye.

They say fear the quiet ones; I have never loved that saying more.

Axel dropped the pack off his back and shook the fence. "Roxas….Roxas…..climb the fence Roxas." He cooed at me.

That bastard.

And to think, I was actually starting to like him.

"Piss off."

"What?" Axel's smile dropped away.

"You heard me. Piss. Off!" He frowned at me and I tried to climb the fence again.

I made it halfway up and the sun seemed to shine brighter at this height. Then the metal shook and I had a moment of air before a whole body of hurt.

"What the fuck was that for?" I looked up at him from my place on the ground.

He shrugged, "Dunno, just felt like it I guess."

I sprung to my feet and slammed into the fence. "Oh yeah? You're just damn well lucky you're on that side-"Axel walked forward.

"Or what?" I spared a moment to glare at him before growling and pushing the fence away.

"Or what Roxas? Givin' up trying are we?" I heard him spit the words behind my back. Spinning on my heel I yelled at him.

"You don't have to be such an asshole about it!"

"I'm glad to see you boys are getting along so well." Both of us jerked towards the voice.

Tifa stood there with her arms crossed under her chest, obviously not very pleased. She walked towards Axel and shot him a glare before turning towards me. Tifa let out a long sigh and then flipped a switch in the metal pole closest to us and the gate swung open.

"Next time boys, look for the spare key." She shook her head and motioned for us to follow.

I walked in huffing and glaring at Axel who just blinked and looked away. Two could play at that game. Fine, he wants to ignore me then he can, but I'm going to ignore him ignoring me.

We'll just be one big happy ignorant bunch.

Rufus walked past Axel and took the bag from him. I turned towards the direction I walked back earlier this week before all this madness happened but Tifa stopped me.

"Oh no we've got a session."

"I thought this whole week was a session." I groaned.

"Nope. So that means you've missed out on seven one hour sessions. Hope you boys are well rested." She smiled like she knew she wasn't going to enjoy the next couple of hours as much as us.

Not that I would know how Axel thinks anyway.

He and I walked side by side behind Tifa all the way to her office. With my hands tucked in my pockets I clenched the material each time our feet fell into step. For some reason it made me annoyed again.

_Control the anger. _

I bit my bottom lip and gave a grim smile to the hallway as my subconscious chimed in. Yeah sure, he's not doing it on purpose. Well he could be, but that's not enough of a reason to yell at him.

Ignoring you when you have done nothing wrong yes that does deserve yelling. But the psychologist's here and it wouldn't be too good for her to observe that now would it?

So we sat on the red chair again as far apart as possible. I leant on my hand against the arm rest and tried to relax against the chair. My eyes noticed a small brown stain near the stitching in between the seam and the padding.

Could that be….dried blood?

What the fuck has been happening on this couch?

Tifa wasn't paying attention to either of us, which was good. I only just realised now that my face was stretched into such an extravagant expression of horror and disgust. Thank god both my shrink and the guy hating me was ignoring me at this point in time, I didn't want to be asked or receive answers that could only lead to into dangerous territories.

It's quite ironic that my shrink of all people didn't look like the type who wanted to deal with pubescent testosterone poisoned boys and or girls (without the testosterone poising of course). Yes it is ironic but not exactly confidence inspiring. Her methods of dealing with things, so far, haven't followed the traditional route of, 'How are you feeling?', 'Why?' and 'How does that make you feel?'. The touchy feely crap that grated on any sane person's and even more so when surrounded with your arch nemesis. To say I was slightly happy about the absence of said 'touchy feely crap' wasn't an exaggeration.

"So how was the week in the wilderness?"

Neither of us made a move to speak, I looked at Axel who sighed and turned further away. That damn bastard. I crossed my arms over my chest and Tifa didn't look at all impressed. With a clutter of pens she selected a red one and started writing something down.

"Okay boys, here's the deal. Ten pros and cons of this week and then you both can leave. Shouldn't be too hard and that's ten things each. Ready?" She held up the piece of paper that had cons and pros written in big red capitals across the page.

I wasn't going to speak first; I wouldn't let Axel win this time. For once I deserved to stand on the winner's podium and I wouldn't let him weasel his way out of this.

"Roxas you first." Tifa shot me a stern look which I clenched my teeth and ignored.

Why the hell do I always have to go first in times like this? It's always me making the effort, me making the moves. Now it is Axel's turn. There is only so much repairing that can be done by one person. As far as I'm concerned I'm the one who's at risk of being damaged further.

"Roxas?" Tifa stood and walked around to the front of her desk, her but leant against the timber.

I wouldn't back down and my stare told her so.

"Axel?" He didn't even bother to look at her when she spoke. With a low growl she marched back around to her seat.

"Fine you boys want to play it like that." She made a show of clicking her pen and began to write.

"Roxas's pro, I learnt that Axel was a really caring and lovely individual." That had my attention, Axel's too it seemed.

"You can't write that!" Tifa smiled sweetly at me and kept talking.

"Axel's pro, I've gotten a deeper understanding of Roxas and believe that I can share my feelings with him."

"What?" Axel yelled suddenly and made a mad dash for the paper. Tifa snatched it up as he slammed into her desk and they glared at each other.

A whole different conversation about something I was not allowed to know was going on right in front of my eyes. His reaction wasn't understandable or maybe he really does just hate me that much after what I did to him. Tifa knew something that I didn't about Axel and it was natural, she was the shrink but…To have a conversation about something like this in front of me is just wrong.

_Perhaps it's not about you._

I never thought it was! I didn't assume this whole time that Axel has been having sessions with Tifa that he's spoken as much about me that I have about him.

_Yeah but you'd hoped._

So? Is that such a crime?

_Your world centers on what others think._

We'd already established that thanks subconscious. I've heard it before, from Tifa, from others but never from my subconscious. This can't be a good thing. Perhaps it's the sound of falling down.

Axel's already there at the bottom and he hates me.

When I saw him smile back in the forest, could it have been a lie? Everything he did, was it just a farce so that we could make it through the week? Is that how it's going to be for the rest of the time we spend here?

"Roxas's con…Axel is a liar." Both Tifa and Axel turned to me then and she measured me with a cool gaze. "Con, he was never open. Con, he wanted to leave me to die and I had to beg for him to at least show some compassion. Con, he tried to drown me."

"Roxas, how bout some pros?" There were none as far as I was concerned. I was on a roll and I could see all that I wanted to see. Everything he's said or done and that's all that mattered.

"Con, more than once he isolated me. Con, he's annoying and self centered. Con, the time that we spent together drove me insane. Con, I know he hates me but he won't say anything and it's driving me nuts! Con, this whole situation is affecting me more than it is him! Con! I'm sick and tired of trying to fix things by myself. Why should I be punished eternally when all I want to do is make things better?" My breathing was ragged and it came out in panicked pants. I could feel my head heat and my lips begin to tremble.

Spinning on my heel I ran out of the room with a slam and shuddering of glass. My shoes pounded against the wooden floor. I couldn't allow myself to blink until I was back at the room, I wouldn't allow those tears of anguish and hurt to fall. I wouldn't let them see me cry because I was confused, of all things, over Axel.

My door didn't have a lock, but at that time it didn't need one. The heavy thud of my body slamming against it would suffice. On my way to the floor they came in heavy warm trails down my skin. My chest heaved with the effort of trying to keep quiet and I bit my lip as a sob escaped.

Roxas, you stupid foolish boy, why are you crying? Has Axel won? Did he succeed in breaking you just like you always feared someone would? You're hurt because he didn't immediately bow down when you put yourself up to the plate.

When you fall, you should get right up again and try.

But trying never seemed to take so much effort before. Couldn't I just leave it all alone and let him hate me? I would be happier; I could go back to ignoring him and be with my friends. But if this damned camp has done anything, it's made me unable to just ignore him. Sure I can try and pretend but I can no longer get through a day without looking for him or sparing him a thought.

"Fuck." My voice was a harsh whisper in my shadowed corner of the room. Sun filtered through and illuminated every wall, although it seemed to stop at my feet.

The tears flowed on and I cursed this place more and more. No, I wouldn't ignore Axel and I couldn't forget him as much as I tried.

And I know I'll try to get him to forgive me again. Even if I come back to my room at night fed up, pissed, angry and hurt. I know I'll get up and try again and again until I make a small little crack. I won't care how long it takes and it won't matter that it's only a small little crack. It's there and as long as I'm around to see it, I'll keep trying.

If anything my perseverance will only get worse.

So for now, I let myself cry huddled in the corner against my door and it was okay because no one could see me.

Girls cried in front of people all the time and no one seemed to think twice. But I couldn't do that, just let myself do such an unabashed thing in front of someone. It seemed too personal, too intimate, something that I was not ready for.

So I'll cry to myself, let out my frustrations and then lock them back away. Now that I acknowledge them they'll stay quiet for some time.

I took a deep breath and slowed my breathing. My eyes stung and I rubbed at them, of course it only made things worse. Heaving myself up off the floor had never been harder but I did it, and I winced when the sunlight's rays hit my stinging eyes. I flopped onto my bed and it groaned with the effort of holding me up.

I tried to not think about Axel or Tifa or anything for some time and for once my brain let me. The clock on the wall ticked and tocked, my eyes following each rhythmic pattern.

By its seventh-hundred rotation I began to get bored and the clock could no longer hold my interest. I turned my head and stared out the window for some time, but quickly that lost my interest again. The only thing I seemed to be interested in thinking about was Axel.

Ha, I'm interested in Axel. Jerking upright my mouth began to gape like a fish's out of water.

"I'm interested in Axel?" I felt light headed, probably because I'd sat up too quickly and then there was a sudden knock. My heart stuttered and I choked forgetting to breathe, with a quick succession of coughs I fumbled to the door.

Tifa pushed her way through.

"Roxas, Roxas." She 'tsked' at me. "Care to explain what happened back there?"

"Uh, not really."

"I thought not." I watched her roll her eyes and let out a long even breath. "He's not coping better than you, ya know. This is hard for him. I think you…ugh." She pressed her lips together at something she saw on my face. "Roxas, have you been crying?"

"No." Why is it whenever someone brings up past crying situations you feel your face heat and then want to cry again? Stupid damn human reaction.

"You didn't finish your list. So here." She held out a white piece of paper and a pen. I walked forward once I had calmed myself past blubbering like a little twit and took them from her.

"Axel's doing a list too and I have no idea what he's going to write after that little outburst. You teenage boys are all so angsty nowadays." She sighed. "You know, the whole purpose of the trip was to make it easier for you two to talk about things in the open and trust each other a little bit. If only that was at all possible to begin with…" She shook her head. "I want you to finish your list, don't worry you don't have to show me or him unless you want to. Or until I change my mind and decide I want to see." She winked at me. "So really take some time to think about it and then write it down. There's no time limit so you shouldn't feel pressured. I'll see you at dinner."

Turning I looked out the window to actually see that the sun had begun to set. When I looked back she was gone.

"The pros of being stuck alone with Axel for a week…" I licked my lips and threw the piece of paper. "What pros?"

Even as I said it, I was walking forwards to pick up the pen and dragging the paper towards me.

"The pros of being stuck, _alone _with Axel." I tapped my pen against the paper and sat down on my bed. "The pros of being stuck with Axel." I sighed and closed my eyes.

"The pros of being with Axel." The room didn't answer nor did I expect it to. But suddenly I had my starting point.

"He's proud." I sniggered to myself as I remembered the huddled figure of Axel gazing longingly at my food.

"He's Adventurous, dangerously so, that he made me worry." I sighed remembering him climbing to the top of the cliff.

"He's a show off at times, but he makes me laugh, intentionally or not." I dotted the paper and spun the pen in my hand.

I took a breath and muttered to myself, "He's thoughtful and considerate of me and although he threatened to leave, he always came back." I had the images of him pulling my shoes the morning after the storm. He didn't need to keep them from getting wet, but he did. When I fell down, purposely, he came back. Even in the beginning he didn't leave me stranded and let me share a tent with him.

"He's warm…" for some reason I felt like it needed to be whispered. So with a summoning of nerves of steel I wrote it all down.

I laughed as my pen etched out the next sentence. 'He has really cool hair.'

"He's sensitive about things that I can't even begin to understand but he's always tough. He has random moments of kindness that keep me looking and waiting for the next one." My pen scratched away and I could already see the last one formed in my mind.

I wrote it down and left for dinner. I'm glad that no one has to read what I wrote, thinking back on it now a lot of it is really mushy and girly, especially the last one. But we are meant to be honest and that's what I did. Wow me going along with a shrinks pointless games, the world must be ending.

Axel sat at our table but didn't even notice when I sat down. So we ate in silence, two hours has never seemed so long. When I got back I decided it would be for the best to hide my 'pros' list just incase. But to my absolute and dismal horror it was missing.

"Where is it! Where the fuck is it!" I threw my pillows off the bed and nearly stripped my room trying to find it.

"It's gone. Oh fuck."

Across the hall from me and in a separated identical room, Axel lay on his bed. I had no idea what Axel was going through most of the time.

Tifa stood in my door way with a cunning smirk on her face. "What's wrong?"

"I've lost it. The paper with all of the pros on it." I dug my hands in my hair and pulled.

"Don't worry; I'm sure it'll turn up somewhere." I froze, her tone made me think it was more of a premonition than condolences.

"Where did you put it?" She smiled at me and stepped out of my room beckoning for me to follow. I jogged after her and she stopped and pointed. Following her line of sight my stomach grew tight with knots. She was pointing,

"Oh no…"

To Axel's room.


	4. Higher State of Consiousness

**AuthorsNote: Hey! I know I know don't tell me, its been a while. But I've finished this chapter and I'm fairly happy with it. I haven't checked over it yet for grammatical errors and what not so buzz me if there are any. Uh this chapter is the foundation for the resolution, its packed with emotion and thoughts and soul searching. I think this chapter was necessary for Roxas to regain more of a personality because he's been somewhat bland in his interaction with others. I can't actually remember how long they've got left in the camp, but its winding down now as everything starts to be resolved. Theres a fluffy bit in here and I'm not exactly happy with it but it should be alright. Anyway, I don't know when the next installment will be out but hopefully it wont take toooo long. As always, love to hear your thoughts in a review, now onto the story.**"Why would you do that? You told me no one had to see it!"

* * *

"Hey who said I put it there? Axel could have picked it up himself, or Rufus might have done it. It's too late now anyway he's probably read it all. Just get some sleep and try to ignore it."

"Ignore it?" I shook my head. How the hell was I just supposed to ignore this?

"Roxas you need to let it go, some things are just out of your control."

The rage was there bubbling beneath my skin, burning my throat so much so that I needed to scream to let it out. I did the only thing I could think of, I grabbed my door and slammed it.

"Roxas." Tifa's voice tsked at me through the wood. "Roxas open the door."

I don't know what her problem was; if anything it was her who needed the psychology sessions not me. I stormed over to my window and threw open the latch, and seemingly simultaneously jumped out. My feet hit the ground with a heavy thud and I liked the sound, so much so that I continued to run. I ran and ran and felt my anger twist and churn in my stomach to slink down my legs and burst out my feet against the ground.

I think by full dark I must have run a full circle around the camp without encountering one guard. Was it that easy to escape? Would I try? No probably not.

My body found a spot at the base of a tree; my mind had completely frozen for the moment, still struggling to shred the remains of adrenaline. Heaving a heavy sigh my butt slunk to the floor and I groaned. Today was not turning out how I had planned at all. Granted I hadn't exactly planned today and I was just basically winging everything that I was doing but oh god how could it have gone this bad?

"No, this isn't bad this is just another learning curve." I smiled out at the darkness "Never EVER trust Tifa again!" A sturdy punch to the ground punctuated the sentence and a wince a moment later told me just how punctuated it was. I flopped onto my side in the foetal position trying to figure some way out of this. Okay so I'd written some nice things down about him and the last one was well…okay it can be misinterpreted in many kinds of ways. But aside from that it's nothing special, nothing out of the ordinary. Totally normal.

And mushy like a girl.

"Uhhhh! Why is she such a psycho!"

Okay I can explain away the last pro on the list. I can explain away the others but can I explain my reaction? I really should have thought before I did anything. Boy did parental advice come back to bite you on the ass or what?

Then suddenly something hit me-spurred on by the sudden whiplash of cold air against my back. I am acting way too Emo for my liking.

So yes, Axel has my list of pros and it's embarrassing as hell. But I should be at least hiding in my room rather than outside on the dirt, it looks pathetic and whilst actually being a pathetic act in itself, makes me feel pathetic. I hate it when people make me feel pathetic and even more so when I do it to myself.

So the plan was to get up out of the dirt and go into my room. Then collapse on my bed in a foetal position until someone came to find me. Preferably not Tifa but, in saying that, I probably have just ruined all my chances in avoiding the lethal brunette.

With a heavy groan that I carried on for about a minute and a half just because I could my body reached a new vertical position. I didn't hurry back to my room only because it seemed that no one really noticed that I had disappeared. There was an overhead spotlight shining on the ground to my left. The spotlight wasn't particularly important but for some reason my eyes were just drawn to the light. Suddenly a shadow danced across its path.

Naturally I had to look again. There it was that same flicker of a shadow. I walked over and stood just to the side of the beam of light. It was coming from a spotlight on the roof. I'd never been up there but something just naturally compelled me to pry open the door and climb the stairs.

As I walked closer there were muffled voices one female one male.

"How do you know?" His voice was taught with desperation and something akin to anger. The voice closest to the door was the male one. Oh great just my luck, I get the angry man who could probably rip me in two with a batter of his eyelashes. Not that guys batter their eyelashes or anything.

"Well Doc your plan backfired." In the grey shadowed stairwell I could hear my lone intake of breath just like a scream. I knew who that was. Axel

"Calm down. How are you so certain of your accusations?" The fake, soft coo was strangely wilted around the edges. I knew at once who that belonged to. Tifa

"Because I've known him longer than you Doc. I know _everything_ about him. I'm nothing more than some sick perverted stalker, you've said it yourself; I needed to deal with my obsession."

I heard something hard slap against the ground which I could only assume was Tifa's heel. "Urgh! How can you clearly say that it is an obsession when you've labelled it nothing but? I tested you by calling it an obsession; nothing was out of your range because you already believed in it." Tifa's voice softened. "Axel, did you ever think that this could just be a true l-"

"Don't you say that!" My heart jumped into my throat as he screeched at her. It was sudden and unexpected and I didn't know what to make of it. His pitchy command echoed throughout my mind but even so I felt my hand slid up to the doorknob.

"Why don't you show him your list? Talk to him."

"And be labelled more of a freak than I am now. I would rather not have the memory of me classed like that, not with him."

The way that he spoke about the guy it sounded like Axel was like some kind of shadow. Or maybe it was his best friend and something happened between them. Interestingly now I only just remembered that Axel was gay. Perhaps it was his lover or some guy he saw on the street. Could Axel really be some creepy stalker ready to kill and maim anyone who came too close to his beloved?

The well scene from Silence of the Lambs flickered in my mind. 'It rubs the lotion in its skin or else it gets the hose again.' Okay so perhaps he's not really like that, but I just panicked and that scene always did freak me out.

"Doc am I the only one who sees how fucked this is? The guy was nothing but cruel to me for basically the whole time I've known him, but I can't stop thinking about him. I don't hate him or blame him if anything my thoughts are just one perversion after another after another. Even then I have moments when I just-" Axel's voice broke and he stopped talking. There was a long pause.

"When you what Axel?" I heard a soft cynical snicker.

"Don't bother"

"No I really want to know."

"When I just want to hold him…and not in that way either." My hand clenched the doorknob. There was a light sickening feeling dancing down my sternum. I knew who he was talking about.

"Why is that such a horrible thing?"

"Because I'm a guy and I'm me. Any of my ex's would tell you that I was lying if you repeated what I said just now. It's so out of character it can't be true. I haven't spoken to the guy for longer than what, ten minutes and I would still declare myself mentally unstable if I could just get him to smile at me the way I used to see him smile at that girl from school. Like it was just him and me and no one else, and we were trapped in our own little private joke forever."

"Axel if you just tell him-"

"Oh yeah and how would I do that? Just go right up to him and say 'hi how are you and please don't ever leave my side again because I am totally head over heels in love with-Roxas"

I hadn't realised I had opened the door until his eyes locked onto mine like a seeker missile. He was about as shocked as I was. If I could think of anything at this time it would be something along the lines of gee great timing to have a 'how did I get here?' moment. But alas all I could do was gape and blink and then gape some more. My eyes shot to Tifa and she was walking forwards quickly. When I broke eye contact with Axel he seemed to realise what had happened and as his lips parted to speak it was like a track gun. Bang! And I was running back down the stairs and out into the night. Why was I running away from the whole scene? Why you ask? Well I'm getting very good at running away from things I don't deal so well with. Most of them about Axel.

But really the reason I was running was not because the guy who I had convinced myself that hated me in fact loved me. No that wasn't it. Just like it wasn't because the man, whom I had convinced myself that I was victimising, in fact, didn't feel victimised or just didn't care because he was in love with me. Nor was it because I had probably given some indication of reciprocated feelings through a single sheet of paper, and it was my entire fault. Really the reason I was running was because I admitted yes to all of them and acknowledged all of them but still I couldn't feel the sense of dread that I wanted to. No, if anything Axel's confession made me feel…

Not happy but something too close to be good.

So I ran down the stairs slipping only occasionally and then out into the night. I had no idea where I would go to hide and surely Tifa would want to _talk _and I was in no coherent state of mind to _talk_. So I went to the only place I could think of, the only place since I arrived here that has been changing as rapidly as my state of emotions. I ran into the woods.

Yeah I was freaked but after being in there once and looking at the alternatives I bit my lip and took the less fearsome option. So Axel, as my super eavesdropping powers have confirmed, is in love with me.

First immediate reaction, freak the fuck out. Second reaction after some calming breaths; well that was unexpected. Okay yes maybe not the most impulsive explosion of great and deep affection but what more could I could say? I'm mostly amazed that my body formed enough cohesion to run out of that damn place.

And there I go running again. Shit.

My body lurched to a sudden halt as I looked around. I was in the woods at night, alone, acting more than melodramatic. Christ I was a serial killer away from a thrasher film. As if on cue I heard the bushes near me rustle and shat myself. Not literally but my mind began to dance around in crazy circles and a cold clammy piece of led settled at the bottom of my stomach. Well so much for the woods being not so bad, me and my damn big mouth.

I took a long breath and let it out, and then I took another one because the first one didn't help me at all. The third one steadied my nerves somewhat and I trudged back through the woods towards a distant spotlight, which I assumed to signal civilisation…and a lovestruck Axel.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.

What to do? The panic flared up again and naturally I became overtly aware of everything around me, so I walked faster and hoped that would hold my thinking.

It didn't.

To get this straight it wasn't Axel being in loved with me that freaked me out, although to say I was completely fine with it would not be the full circle. My state of feeling was more along the lines of 'he doesn't hate me, yes!' rather than I want to marry him and have his babies. Not that that would be even physically possible.

Okay so recap Axel loves me, has possibly been since primary school and I ignored him like a verruca. It's fairly safe to assume his love is not something easily forgotten if I remember what he said correctly and I am okay with that. What I am not so okay with is what he expects of me.

What does he want from me?

Okay okay well I know what he _wants_ from me, but how do I…? At this point in time my mind broke into incoherent whinging and its better left not explaining.

What is in my power to give Axel? Friendship, bestfriendship at the most. Maybe I'm over reacting and he won't take that too bad and be happy that he spends some time with me, or maybe he'll become enraged and murder everyone in a ten mile radius.

Shitpissfuck

Nope mentally is not going to do it.

"Shitpissfuck" That's slightly better, "Shit! Piss! Fuck!" Boy that felt good.

"Roxas? I've been looking for you" I screamed, a very manly and down to Earth scream of course and sought out Tifa standing just inside the barrier of the woods.

We had one of those I know what you're thinking moments and when it finally finished she sighed. "Come with me" I was ready to refuse but surprisingly she didn't walk towards the campus and into a therapy room, she went further into the forest.

As we walked she began talking and I cast a silent prayer that she knew where we were going.

"I think you know what we should talk about."

I nodded and sighed, she sat down on a log and beckoned me to her. I sat down next to, slightly annoyed that the log was damp and had already begun draining into my clothes.

"Why does all the bad stuff happen to me? Am I just cosmically hated or something?" It was a sad attempt at a joke especially as soon as I said it, part of me wanted to believe it.

"Oh shut up Roxas"

"What?" Tifa just straight out said it and without any humour in her voice.

"Do you know how selfish you are?" Okay now that hit a nerve.

"I'm not selfish."

"Stop kidding yourself Roxas, you are so selfish I amazed Axel hung around for as long as he did."

"It's not like I wanted him to!" why was everyone against me all of a sudden? How am I the bad guy? I was the one who had to extend the hand of friendship, the one who was trying to repair whatever damage I'd done. Did no one care that I was doing al this, putting so much energy into all of it only to be rebutted again and again day in and out before I got somewhere. I was trying dammit but oh no it's poor Axel this and poor Axel that.

I was on my feet fists clenched and suddenly I was sick of it all. Sick of caring. Axel was emotional and moody and closed and stubborn and I was just sick of it. Sick of being the one told that I was wrong and should make amends, sick of being reprimanded for trying to do the right thing by everyone.

Tifa looked at me as if I should be a quiet child and do as I'm told. "No!" She sighed at me, the disappointed kind that I grew out of being affected by.

"Stop it Tifa! Just stop it. I'm sick of _you _judging me like you know me, like you have the right! You don't and you don't know me. For a shrink you sure as hell don't show me a lot of compassion or understanding. Okay so Axel's been hurting all this time, so what! How was I supposed to know? How is that my fault!"

All I heard was a sharp crack and then the skin on my cheek was stinging through to the bone. Tifa was on her feet, face scrunched, glaring at me. I couldn't turn my eyes to glare at her all I could do was stay rigid in my place glaring at the ground.

"For hours out of every day for weeks and months I have listened to Axel talk about you. Even when we were talking about him we wound up talking about you. At first I thought it was a sick fascination, some demented form of Stockholm syndrome, but it really wasn't Roxas. He was functioning normally, but he was in love. And I know you don't want to hear it, but the thing about Axel is, with all of the crap that he's been through I can't help but feel sorry for him. Roxas all you ever did was talk about yourself and how bad Axel had affected you, it was all negative and he always defended you." She grabbed my head and spun me round to face her; her brows furrowed and guided her eyes prying into my own.

"Roxas you have so much potential, you can be better than this. I know you are always scrutinising your actions and it puts you off from just being. Axel and you are the same that much, you both think so much about what the others thinking. But you need to stop Roxas. Stop thinking for once and just be. So what if you have no control over something like this? So what if your friends think you've changed, god forbid anyone should ever think about you."

She threw her hands in the air and walked away from me. My face was burnt, I could feel the blood sizzling under my skin and I wanted to run again, get the anger and frustration out. More than that I wanted the guilt gone, anywhere just as long as it was out of me.

"Roxas, having others think about you is a good thing. Being noticed is a good thing. No not all the time and not for all reasons but it is okay for another being to notice things about others. Hell its part of what makes us human. You refuse and refuse to accept the thoughts about anything and you are making more and more everyday, I'm surprised you haven't exploded. So listen to me Roxas. Stop thinking, stop considering and pondering, everything! Just be, do you think you can do that?"

Her words washed over me and sunk through my skin. And it struck me, I really couldn't do it. "No."

"Will you at least try?"

More trying, more trying again on my part. I was sick of trying. I just want to….

"Yes, I'll try"

She smiled at me and we walked back to the campus. As I walked down the hall towards my room Axel opened his door and stared at me, his eyes then dropping to the ground. I walked up to him and put my hand on his upper arm, his eyes looked up into mine and then I turned back and walked into my room.

My first act of not thinking and it wasn't that hard. Okay I felt my insides tweak trying to get me to think for a large portion of the time but all in all it felt better.

In the woods I realised something, something that was a shock to the system. I truly believed that if slunk into the background, became nothing, almost invisible that I would be happy. I had convinced myself that I was better off not existing and it scared me because deep down I didn't want to believe that.

My father had once told me that a man at his work had lost his wife to suicide. He found a letter she left and she'd said she was sick of existing. After my parents had divorced he had made me promise never to think that it was my fault and that I shouldn't exist. But I had. I had begun to care about what people thought and what their sympathy meant when they heard about my parents. I wasn't angry or sad that they'd broken up, I was worried about what the others would think and really something was wrong from that point forward.

So I'll keep trying and I'll begin existing again, actually being me and I'll get out of here. So what if my friends say I've changed, if they're really my friends they'll understand. And Axel, well I think he'll still be there after I sort myself out and I'll let him help. And in doing so I'll help him. I don't know what I'll do but I'm not going to think about it, I'll just listen and he can tell me for once. I will trust him not to go overboard.

I'll give up control.

Sitting on my bed I took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. My muscles seemed regain their elasticity and energy, my head was light and secure inside my skull and I didn't have a thought in the world.

I smiled, oh yes, this will be good.


End file.
